Pooping in Peace

stallExtreme Peeing in Public,” posted earlier this summer, was well received by the Steve’s Word audience and is a great guideline for those with penises and peeing problems.  I agree that one’s dire need to drain the snake is a topic that cannot be ignored, but what about the people who have no problem going #1 and can typically find their way to a toilet but do however live their lives in fear of the other bodily function that is much more difficult to clean up? Those of you who travel to exotic locations, know the aftermath of Jamaican jerk pork chops, or must take a pill before enjoying an Oreo Blizzard, know exactly what I’m talking about.  This is your guide. Your guide to pooping in peace. How to keep your sounds and smells to a minimum.  You can now get a handle on all the crap in your life. At least the portion that comes out your ass.

1. The Courtesy Flush

This is the most widely used and time tested method for those #2 situations.  It is the easiest technique, as it can be done anywhere a flushable crapper is found.  The procedure is simple. Any patient person knows that defecation comes in stages.  When the first segment is complete and you release the initial burst that sent you running for the loo in the first place, you then have to sit and wait.  You are at the mercy of the excrement.  It commands you.  While you are sitting there, do you really want the first round to sit in the toilet, stinking up the place?  I don’t think so.  This is when you flush.  Not only does it take away the first load, helping to eliminate the lingering smell, but it provides background noise for round two.  It’s the perfect way to hide the two most unpleasant parts of pooping. Sometimes the double flush is a tell to the on-listeners but it’s better than having them hear or smell the actual act.  And when there is a sensor activated flusher, you can say it went off by itself, allowing you a clean break from your feces.

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