jeff larson

Jobs We’re Gay For

soccer_cap.jpgWelcome to another installment in our "gay for" series.  We've covered the men we love (twice) and the response from the other side, as well as giving some love to select politicos who made us swoon during the height of last summer's election insanity.  In this edition, we bring you some professions, real or imagined, that fill our dreams with the wondrous flights of fancy of what our lives might be like had they taken a completely different path.  Please to enjoy the jobs we're gay for.

Tim - Soccer Historian/Sociologist

How rad would my life be if I it consisted of hanging out on the campus of some elite university, studying the developing history of soccer in the United States, teaching undergrads, and having Summers off to go watch football all over the globe? We are in the midst of an accelerated cultural revolution when it comes to the World's game and I've got my finger on the pulse. I'm so horny for this job that I've even read the only book written on the topic, Offside: Soccer and American Exceptionalism, I subscribe to several soccer-related twitter feeds, and I actually enjoy playing the game. This makes me probably the biggest soccer nerd you've ever met. The other weekend, I went to go see Chelsea vs AC Milan in Baltimore. Other than the game, my favorite part of the trip was seeing tons of little boys in Chelsea and AC Milan jerseys. This got me quite fired up and not for the reason you're thinking. With the slow but steady legitimization of MLS, an expanded and more thorough US Soccer development strategy, and European leagues regularly on television, today's youth is into soccer. That's what excites me. The more young people who are genuine fans of the game ensures the growth of the game and quality of play here in the United States. Those cute little buggers in those darling little jerseys were merely signifiers of this.

All My Nightmares Are Real

nightmare_crowdYou know, I hate to hear the words, "I told you so;" especially when they are directed at me.  Every time I hear them it makes me scream inside with bitter resentment pent up from years of being wrong.

This time it was just too much to bear.

I had spent weeks planning, not to mention a fair chunk of change, in getting my wife and two sweet children there.  I'd looked at all the websites and guide books and maps I could get my hands on.  I even read the wikipedia history, just to give me some perspective. I had planned to go during the "off-season," which the guide books all said was January-February.  Who'd want to go there in the middle of the winter?

Nothing, however, could have prepared me for the worst site-seeing vacation experience of my life to Washington DC last week.  It all started when we arrived at the airport two hours early for our flight only to find out that our seats had been resold to the highest bidder based on the shockingly astronomical demand for seats on flights to our nation's capital.  They kept saying that everyone was headed to some sort of graduation party or something.  I said, "to hell with it", and packed the family into our sedan and we set out for the four hour drive from New York City.  It would almost be as fast as flying, really.

Why You Should Bother Going to the Inauguration

capitol.jpgOn Thursday, Barack Obama was certified by Congress as the 44th President of the United States of America.

This is a tremendous deal, a fucking gigantic deal!  When was the last time you can name that an outgoing President had been so illegitimate, so inept, and so harmful?  And when was the last time that we had a President who managed to win the majority of voters without winning white males?  When was the last time that an election was won by such a large number of small donors or with such tremendous grassroots campaigning and support?  I'm not even talking about the fact that the man elected is half black!  It would still be historic even if he was white for all the reasons I listed above among several other factors.  In short -- what we witnessed and were a part of has NEVER happened before in the history of America.  In fact I don't think there's been a time in recorded history that a black man has ever been elected to run the free world.

Resolutions (You Keep to Yourself)

timessquare.gifWelcome to 2009.  We all make promises at the start of a new year, some that we speak openly about and some that we keep to ourselves.  This is a collection of the latter, because you deserve to know the truth.  Be prepared for a little darkness, some heart-wrenching tales of self-improvement, and another journey to the depths of Nate's soul in this column that we can proudly say all of Steve's Word's contributors managed to pull together to collectively write (except for one).  Please to enjoy our resolutions.

Bonding

bond_and_fields.jpgI saw the latest Bond film, Quantum of Solace, last night.  I felt Daniel Craig like it was me on the screen.  Verdict: Bitchin'!

Now before you go hatin' on me for such brazen language, allow me to recount to you over the course of twelve pages the entire plot of the film...

The film begins with short, tight shots of sleek Britis

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