what were you most looking forward to this weekend?
I was most looking forward to getting drunk and dancing my ass off with all the cute hipstertito and hapa boys at our neighborhood's new retro queer dance night on Friday. But before I got properly drunk and lecherous, I got all chivalrous and decided to walk a really pretty girl home so she wouldn't get raped in a community vegetable garden. Upon returning to the club after my gentlemanly gesture, I was not allowed in, as it was 12:45 a.m. and the dance party was due to end in fifteen minutes (nearby residents had already phoned in noise complaints, and a paddy wagon sat ominously in the parking lot -- no joke). Neither drunk nor danced-out, I glumly noted that what was supposed to be the first great dance night of the summer turned out to be a harsh reminder of how unbelievably fucking lame Boston is. Am I really going to waste another year of my quickly-fading twenties in a city where the club nights end at 1:00 with police attempting to round me up and arrest me for using my outside voice? No. I tried to run past the bouncers, but they grabbed me, and into the paddy wagon I went Ironically, the pretty girl’s would-be rapist was in there too. To my delight, he raped me.
Come on, Eldrick.