WiR 3.29.08: Things Fall Apart

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wir032909_marine Welcome to week three of the Steve's Word Week-in-Review column. The news cycles have cranked out some really wretched memes for all of us to fixate upon so let me take you on a tour of all that happened this week. Let's start with politics, shall we?

Hillary Clinton is apparently unfit to lead our nation because she didn't actually get shot in the fucking face during her personal invasion of Bosnia in the 90s. I don't really want to get into it here, since we're talking about things that actually matter and things that people should care about, but let me just say this. What EXACTLY happened? Does anyone really care? Does it matter? No. But what is interesting here is the fact that our news media feels it has to push Clinton to the point where we find a public figure explaining such minutia. The Associated Press even tracked down famous 90's actor Sinbad to get a comment. He was on the same trip spreading good will with his then hilarious schtick. Mostly we here at Steve's Word are thankful for such ridiculous stories because if the media focused on things that actually mattered, we wouldn't be compelled to make our own ramshackle yet well-meaning media corps.

There! Shweh! It's out of my system. Stick with me here; it's gonna be okay.

I think a walk out into nature might give us some perspective so I'll tell you wir032909_batabout two things that should instantly register as about twelve times more important than the political scene these days. As we walk along I notice bats falling out of the sky. They're dying just like the bees and amphibians were earlier this past year. Why? Could it be global warming? "Probably not" says this guy, an expert on dispelling global warming "myths," This definitely has nothing to do with global climate change. No-sir-ree. Another occurrence that has nothing to do with global climate change whatsoever is the collapse of a major ice shelf in Antarctica. Okay, well maybe that second part kind of points to a change in the climate. But it's probably just the cows. According to this guy, each cow in the world farts out probably as much greenhouse gas in one single occurrence of flatulence than every single 747 combined so the math is really easy. In fact let's do that math right now. There are probably about thirty billion cattle on Earth and humans have built like 750,000 747 jets so if you multiply it out cow methane must account for roughly 12,000% of all the greenhouse gases currently present. This proves there's absolutely no reason to change our behavior, except to eat a shit-ton of beef so that we can eliminate the REAL root of global climate change: cow farts. See, I just told you the bats and the ice shelf this week weren't related in any way to any human activity. I think it's safe to say we can move on to more important – aka entertaining – news.

What better place is there for entertainment these days than Youtube? The story begins thusly. This week marked another terrible milestone in Iraq. Not five years; that happened the week before this one. This week we've lost 4000 American soldiers in the war. It's a major news story and as Tim put it last week, no laughing matter. Nor is the fact that some estimate the overall death since our Occupation of Iraq to be well over one million. This is the grim reality of a poorly planned war fought for the wrong reasons; not a joke. What is almost comical, even if it is sick and twisted, is that the grassroots support online has taken a turn not for the American troops, or the devastated Iraqi people,wir032909_naktrat2 but for the puppies. This is what it takes to get people riled up about unrelenting violence. We could watch one million people die with a passing curiosity and yet somehow one puppy ignites a firestorm. I'm utterly speechless. You better be too, because if you aren't then you're either a terrorist or a cold, dead puppy, or maybe just a naked mole rat .

I could try and follow that up with how someone has finally gotten a grip on the mysterious "super delegates" and whom they're likely to vote for. I could also talk about a Federal Court finding that says you do not have the right to fresh water on a grounded flight (the airlines fought for the right to NOT serve their customers). I could even spread wild rumors of a Gravel/Paul Libertarian ticket. But given the seriousness of each of these subjects, I think though that while bats, ice shelves and puppies all have falling in them this week, none of the other news items do, so I will conclude by thanking Gravity, Sinbad, YouTube, and the letter L for sponsoring this week's Week-in-Review.

Enjoy your life. Enjoy your week.

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