Pop Culture Vortex: Watching the Grammys in my PJ’s

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gramaphone.gifI swore to myself (and to my boyfriend) that I wouldn't get sucked into the vortex that is the Grammys Sunday night but, as usual, I did.  For some reason, I thought tuning in for the red carpet event pre-show would be enough to make me opt for the blackhole of Tylenol PM-assisted sleep, but the knowledge that Sir Paul was performing, plus the chance to watch all these self-righteous a-holes make fools of themselves with their excessive bling and ridiculous fashion and also having nothing better to do made me stick around for the whole thing.

The most startling news of the night actually came in the pre-show when it was announced that Chris Brown and Rihanna would be MIA for the show; they were both scheduled to perform.  At the time it was reported that Chris Brown had been in an altercation with an unidentified woman following a party at the home of music's resident mummy Clive Davis.  Today, we know that the woman in question actually is Rihanna, Chris Brown's girlfriend, who might be one of the best looking people on the planet.   What a dick.  Besides the absolute ludicrosity of hitting a woman (if he tried that with me, I'd knock his gleaming too-white teeth right out of his skull), what's the deal with being a twenty year-old millionaire, having tons of money and one of the hottest women around still being so pissed?  Thank god Justin "JT" Timberlake was around to step in for Brown during the opening performance.  Nothing like a little more self-promotion for that guy because we don't get enough of him all the time.whitney_and_clive.jpg

The first award of the night was given out by Whitney Houston.  She looked good and seemed to be drug-free, however, her timing when thanking her 'entertainment business father' in the middle of the best R & B award was a bit off putting.  Even the aforementioned mummy Davis seemed to feel awkward about it.  Yes, he won an icon award (or whatever) but guuurl, mention it before you list the nominees not in between nominees and 'the winner is.....'  Really.

How the Jonas Brothers got to do a duet with Stevie Wonder is beyond my comprehension.  These are children!  Celibate children!  They have no business on the stage with Stevie!  The verse/lyric flub made so blatantly by Nick Jonas (or maybe it was Kevin - they look the same to me) just confirms why they aren't ready to perform with Stevie, or to have sex for that matter.  And seriously, aren't the Grammys supposed to be the most prestigious music awards show?  jonasbrothers.jpgIf it weren't for T-Bone Burnett and Robert Plant, I would have sworn I was watching the Disney Channel (Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift performed a duet about being 15!).  The irony of the whole show is that if only everyone presenting actually performed, it would have had some substance (i.e. Herbie Hancock, Green Day, Sheryl Crow, Blink-182, etc...).  Instead, we're confronted with these excessively over-styled child stars doing the bulk of the duet with the seasoned veterans.

Speaking of ironic, at least Coldplay copped to ripping off the Sgt. Pepper outfits they've been wearing but it didn't stop them from looking ridiculous.  coldplay_grammy.jpgYou'd think they would have a better wardrobe, isn't the lead singer married to a fashion icon??  And of course, what music awards show wouldn't be complete unless Kanye stuck his two sense in and made a nasty remark about how he wasn't nominated and how bitter he is.  And thank god someone named "Sean P. Combs" was there to patter around with Natalie Cole and poor third-wheeling Herbie Hancock.  I've never heard of this "Sean P. Combs" and I wish him all the success in the world.

mai_grammys.jpgOn the flip side, MIA is amazing (and everyone should own the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack).  Her outfit however really needed to be re-thought.  I am all for showing beautiful pregnant women, but come on, she looked like a circus act at a 2 yr. old's b'day party.  That said, there's really no reason she had to be overshadowed by being made to perform with Kanye West, TI, Lil Wayne and Jay-Z.  Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against any of those guys, but MIA had a banner year, why should she be relegated to back up vocals on her own song?

In the end, it's the performances that make or break the night.  Paul McCartney's performance with Dave Grohl on drums was awesome, plant.jpgalthough, I wish Dave wasn't chewing gum like a cow the whole time.  And Radiohead killed it with the USC marching band performing "15 Steps."  Robert Plant and Allison Krause also performed a song off a record that won three Grammys and I'm convinced they were booked so that people might get a chance to listen to the song that won all those awards, but I'm not hating on either of them.  And to close the night, Stevie came back out to play a song as the audience filtered out and CBS cut to a "promotional consideration provided by Delta" spot.  I'm so glad I know how the little people got there.

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