Pick Up Lines for the New Century

wifi.jpgThe dating game is changing, and you need to step it up if you want to remain being a player in it.  I know that sounds harsh and severe, but it's the truth.  As I'm sure you've noticed, things are changing fast out there and that means your tried and true icebreakers might not fly anymore.  Like the world around us, you've got to go digital in all aspects if you want to stay relevant.

With that in mind, we've put together a list of some new lines for you to work into your repertoire, especially for the next time you're kicking around the local coffee joint while scores of cuties sit behind iBooks.  Just remember who to thank the next time you get yourself more material for your blog, if you know what I mean.

The Hangover: Apathy Sets In

stock-market.jpgI don't know what you do if you're not into sports.  Between playing and watching, I could literally do nothing else with my time and still be really busy.  Let me rephrase, I don't do anything else with my time and I'm still really busy.  And this weekend was no exception.  Between the baseball playoffs and tons of football, and since no one running fo

Survey Says…

pie_chart.pngLast night's vice presidential debate was spectator sport if we've ever seen it.  Viewing parties, live blogging, constant mid-debate i-chatting, this one had it all.  And there was no end to forehead slappers and opportunities for derisive laughter.  But, we know how we felt.  And, since every news outlet and blogger in the world decided to

Small Town America: Arkansas Edition

arkansas.jpgEver since Sarah Palin became the new Britney Spears, there's been a lot of talk about "small town America."  Apparently, "we grow good people" there, people with much better values than the Washington network of old boys.  This is somewhat standard Republican campaign nonsense, but Ms. Palin's glaringly excessive pride at having governed a small Alaskan town with its impeccable moral standing, reveals that the concept of the moralistic small town has become as pervasive as stuffed elephant souvenirs in the aftermath of the activities in St. Paul.  In light of this current political position, I've decided to share my personal experience of living in what the Republicans deem the proper American Utopian environment. 

The Hangover: The Last Day of Summer

hangover.jpgWelcome to the Hangover, a column aptly named since I have one right now.  Why do I feel the need to get absolutely wasted on Sunday nights?  Well, that's neither here nor there right now.  What is important is that we'll be coming to you every Monday to recap the weekend, spinning pithy yarns about some of the amazing events that took place.

I tell ya, I really picked quite the week to get this going.  Between the Emmys and the last game at Yankee Stadium, it was quite a weekend for the sentimentalists out there.  Luckily, I'm no such thing, so instead of letting tears of joy stream down my goose bump covered face, I soaked my self in the aforementioned alcohol and tried to take it all in stride.  You see, it's pretty much only self-parody at this point, and though that may account for "30 Rock" deservedly taking home multiple awards, as a viewer I found both of these events quite painful.

Irreconcilable Differences

aufThere's a new tradition starting to form in this country among a large portion of Blue State Americans. Its a new quad-annual happening. Like the Olympics or The World Cup or a birthday party for those unfortunate enough to be born on February 29th. What is this new and growing tradition?: threatening to leave the country if Whats-his-face is elected. You or someone you know has said as much. People, myself included, are feeling the urge even stronger about it this go-around. We use phrases like "but this time I really mean it," or "if my grandmother was born in England, I think I can live there," or "what's the fastest way to marry a foreigner." But before you offer yourself up to some reverse mail-order bride (or groom) service, I'd like to offer my opinions as to why I think people feel this way more strongly than ever, pondering the possibility of actually following through on this dalliance, and an alternate solution that almost came to be 150 years ago that I think we should reinvigorate.

Things I Learned While Eavesdropping on First Dates

hands.jpgI live in NYC and because of that, or because of my parenting, I eat out a lot. I can't afford to but I do all the same. Hey, it's cool, my credit card company understands. Anyway, when you eat in restaurants a lot, you end up hearing a lot of other people's conversations. Sure it's immoral to listen, but whatever, if they really wanted privacy they could have stayed home or gone to the lousy Indian place near my apartment that is never crowded.

Thanks for Nothing, Thanks for Everything

giftbox.jpgAs much as I try to fight it, the future just gets closer and closer. For some that means lots of excitement but for me it means weddings. Many, many weddings. Look, I gave it my all, I really did, but there's simply no getting around it anymore. I've sent in my RSVPs, tried on my suit (it needs to be altered) and spent some time online perusing the registries of the couples who will be tying their knots this summer. As I browsed these lists of china, glasses, cutlery and other assorted and overpriced crap, I was suddenly filled with tremendous anxiety. What is an appropriate gift for my friend of twenty-three years? What about a friend of five years to whom I professionally owe a great deal? Exactly how many champagne flutes make a set? Why would anyone want a dish they can't ever use for fear of breaking it?

Talkosphere Part Deux: Fanboys Edition - Taking Batman Seriously, at 12.01 am

knight_logo.jpgMidnight screenings of blockbusters are a weird phenomena, if not for the dedicated and exorbitant fan frenzy that abruptly appears as every person aged 17-35 sidles out of the woodworks to buy tickets weeks ahead of time, edging out the majority of the general population who were too slow punching in their credit card numbers online, but for the somewhat insane efforts put into being the first in line for the theater of said blockbuster film. This couldn't be more true for the latest installment in the Batman series "The Dark Knight." Having purchased my ticket two weeks in advance from Fandango, I confess that I am one of the eager beavers whose love for 'the Batman' is nearly unmatched thus constituting attendance at the first possible showing; it would not have been tolerable to see it at any other time.  When it comes to Batman, I always find myself becoming irrationally determined to be at the theater before everyone else with my pre-paid ticket. Luckily for me, my roommate Lucy and friend Scott were obsessive equals when it came to seeing this film. Days of suspense finally came to a halt, and on July 17 we trotted a few blocks from our apartment to the theater, skipping giddily and engaging in Batman trivia.

Welcome to the Talkosphere

ext1.JPGI was at a movie the other day when a woman sat down next to me five minutes before the film ended. Five minutes. And, as if that wasn’t bad enough, she then started talking. To me. She leaned in close to me and in a loud whisper asked me how long ago it had started. So I told her, “an hour and forty-five minutes ago” barely able to hide my disgust and anger. She could only muster a weak “Oh” in return and then I went in for the kill. “Yes," I told her, “I hope you enjoy the end credits.” Then she told me I was a rude young man and the guy behind me asked me to quiet down. And I spent the last five minutes of the movie wondering why there aren’t enough 19 year-old kids to monitor the halls so people can't just wander in and out of theaters at their leisure.

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