Top 5 Things About Thanksgiving

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Top 5 Things About Thanksgiving

People get off on complaining and for some inexplicable reason, especially around the holidays.  Oh my god, the traffic is going to be horrible!  Pilgrims are evil!  Corporations are taking over our holidays! One of these phrases may be your holiday mantra and everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion.  However, before you pack of Scrooges bah-humbug your way through December and into the New Year, lets take a moment to look on the bright side.  It is time to point out the proverbial silver lining we all know and love.  Turkey/tofurky day is right around the corner so I thought we could focus on the good things about this holiday season's dark horse.  Here are the top 5 reasons Thanksgiving is awesome.

#5 High school Hook-ups

Going home for the holidays has its benefits.  Especially if you are unattached and much hotter than you were in high school. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is always an impromptu reunion and therefore the perfect chance to get dressed up, brag about yourself, and try to get into your high school crush's pants.  If you feel you don’t have anything to brag about just make sure to hide your insecurities in a sexy dress.  We all need an opportunity to pretend we have improved since the glorious years of smokin’ in the boy’s room and Thanksgiving gladly forks it over. 

#4 Wednesday is Friday

The general rule of thumb when it comes to work is that it sucks. So of course one of the best things about the Pilgrims making life miserable for Native Americans is the fact we get two days off from our cubicles, computers, or classrooms.  This holiday time off is a good length – a little longer than President’s Day weekend, providing more time to be a glutton, and shorter than the usual Xmas break, which relieves the pressure of feeling like you must go somewhere exciting.  It seems as though the sole purpose of having off work is to provide Americans with time to stuff their faces and drink themselves into a stupor.  It is my understanding, given my circle of friends, that most people do that anyway; but, if we are given two days of freedom to partake in such activities, who am I to complain?

#3 Stuffing

This has two parts. First, the extremely underestimated side item that should be served year round and consistently found between french fries and vegetable medley on all sides sections in menus across the country.  And second, the act of stuffing yourself to the point of no return, where the only way to come back to reality is sleep it off on your family room sofa while your nieces and nephews fruitlessly attempt to get you to put together a Dora the Explorer puzzle.  Stuffing, both the food and the verb, are Thanksgiving day staples.  I only wish they were more acceptable on other holidays.  Think about it.. Valentine’s day stuffing?  That sounds good in so many ways.

#2 You get to cover your Thank You Bases

It is a tradition, at least in my family, to go around the table and say what we are thankful for in our lives.  This is a wonderful opportunity to fool your family and friends into thinking you are a kind and considerate person.   If you have never thanked your mom and dad for bringing you into this world or perhaps merely forgot to send your aunt a thank you card for the Bath and Body Works spray she gave you for your birthday last year, now is your chance! But don’t drop the ball and say something meaningless. Sure it is good to be the turkey table clown, but throw in some serious shit too.  One year I made the mistake of only being thankful for the New Kids on the Block.  Everyone laughed, but I swear my slice of pumpkin pie was much smaller than my sister’s.

#1 You are not obligated to buy presents

I like buying people presents.  But I like to do it when I see something someone would like, not when I am contractually obligated by society to purchase something for every person I come in contact with on a daily basis. Does the man who checks my SEPTA TrailPass every morning really need a Yankee candle?  Surprisingly enough, Thanksgiving seems to be a holiday that supports optional gift buying.  Also, it has been pretty ignored by the evil commercializing machine and is such a small blip on the radar of holiday spending that it may have been forgotten if it weren't for our desire to eat tons of food and see our friends and family. It is really quite sweet, actually. See... you really do like your family!  Busted!





  • 1

    You've scooted your way to another hilarious article.

  • 2

    Does anyone else think "SEPTA TrailPass" sounds like another euphemism for "the Hershey Highway"?

  • 3

    I think the other best thing about Thanksgiving is the Count Chocula cereal that we all enjoy during the meal. Oh wait, that didn't make the list (again)!

    Stevesword, I hope you know that I have nothing to be thankful for unless I get into a Top 5 list.

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