Lifestyle

Monday Hangover - 8.3.09

venusWhat were you most looking forward to this weekend?

Top of my weekend list was to have been at the McCarren Pool Party in Williamsburg, or whatever they're calling it now that it's been displaced in favor of an actual pool (boo...). The lineup included Deerhunter and No Age, two bands I'm pretty high on. Unfortunately the majority of the day, much like the majority of the summer, was intense rain and thunder storms. By the time it had cleared up I was due at work for a light Sunday night session of loading footage until 10:30pm.

Tips for the (Fellow) Unemployed #3

joblin

Editor’s Note: Welcome to Steve’s Word newest weekly series “Tips for the (Fellow) Unemployed”. Please welcome our newbie contributor Paul Elicker to the site. He has his own site with hilarious writings and even funnier drawings. We asked him if we could rip off some of his material and he graciously accepted our overture. You can find this piece and much more on Paul Elicker’s blog Thrillerverse.com.

Just because you ate that college pie doesn’t mean you’re not hungry! These are my tips for getting through the unemployment of your nightmare to the job of your nicer dreams!

Now that your bedroom is open for business, your hair is saying “Yes” and you’ve got the attitude to match, you are ready to start the job hunt.

This is often seen as the most miserable and time consuming part of unemployment, just after the alcoholism and food-abuse. It is possible to spend hours crawling job sites and corporate career portals without finding a single job that you can apply for – whether because of your lack of qualification or education or your failure to pay the internet bill. Also the economy is bad.

Monday Hangover - 7.27.09

andy_cohen.jpg• What were you most looking forward to this weekend?

Spending time with people under the age of 3.


• Any updates to your Netflix queue?

No, I've been stalled out trying all weekend to get through a very boring french film about reality television, so boring in fact I can only watch in 20 minute increments.  There are two upsides to the whole experience, however: I learned that François Berléand, who plays the Inspector role in the Transporter movies, has incredible range and also there's a shot of Diane Kruger's saggy ass which made me feel better about things.

Tips for the (Fellow) Unemployed #2

Room-Cubicle

Editor’s Note: Welcome to Steve’s Word newest weekly series “Tips for the (Fellow) Unemployed". Please welcome our newbie contributor Paul Elicker to the site. He has his own site with hilarious writings and even funnier drawings. We asked him if we could rip off some of his material and he graciously accepted our overture. You can find this piece and much more on Paul Elicker’s blog Thrillerverse.com.

Turn that frown upside down, you’re just unemployed, not dead! These are my tips on getting through unemployment with dignity and clean pants.

So you’re awake and you’ve brushed your hair – you’re already two steps down the road to a job and not being a wreck! Now you can start to work on that attitude

Tip #2 Get a Good Attitude

How Beautiful

I-70Today I'm on the road in my home state of Colorado. The road we're on is a very familiar stretch of Interstate 70 from my home town of Grand Junction to Denver. I've literally traveled it every year since I've been born.

Some of my earliest memories happened here; like listening to and singing along with a Sesame Street tape with my sister as we went over Eisenhower Pass. We were on our way to a Denver Nuggets game (I think), when Alex English took them to the playoffs for the last time in my childhood.  Today my girlfriend and I are traveling with her father to Kansas for a wedding and to see her ailing grandfather.

The reasons for making this journey may have changed since I was young, but the views remain largely unchanged. River-sculpted sandstone cliffs give way to spectacular snow-capped peaks and rolling meadows with the now frequent sight of new giant ski lodges.

Spellman Spouts: Steroids

needlesA friend of mine who nearly never ever writes for this website went to Major League Baseball's Home Run Derby and he had only this to say about the competition: Bring Back Steroids. If you watched the Derby on television I think you'll agree. It was about 7 to 8 hours long and there was only a soupcon of homeruns hit. Regardless, this got me thinking about two things. 1.) Baseball All-Star Weekend needs a skills competition. Might I suggest a game of Run the Bases? Or how about some sort of throwing accuracy game? Better yet, they should put 50 guys in the outfield at once and see who can shags the most fly balls. 2.) I turn 29 on Saturday and before I reach 30 I'd like to achieve my ultimate physical potential. What I'm getting at is, I want to do steroids for 6 months to a year.

Tips for the (Fellow) Unemployed #1

brush_hairEditor's Note: Welcome to Steve's Word newest weekly series "Tips for the (Fellow) Unemployed #1. Please welcome our newest contributor Paul Elicker to the site. He has his own site with hilarious writings and even funnier crude drawings. We asked him if we could rip off some of his material and he graciously accepted our overture. You can find this piece and much more on Paul Elicker's blog Thrillerverse.com.

For those of you who have just graduated college with long standing dreams of employment (like me), you’re painfully aware that you’ve graduated into one of the most volitile job markets in at least a couple dozen years. The journey from graduation to job is a long and perhaps brutal one – like crossing a salt flat. But it doesn’t have to be that terrible, and there are steps that you can take to ensure the journey is easier and maybe more fun – like crossing a salt flat

Tip #1: Look Good!

Monday Hangover - 7.13.09

elephant manWhat were you most looking forward to this weekend?

 

I was looking MOST forward to going to this party with these Finns I know from my job converting DVDs from Euro PAL to AUFAT (Australian Format). They said it was going to be in Park Slope but then when I get there I called my friend Manny the Finn and it turns out the party is actually in the park. So there we are, all standing under this footbridge in Prospect Park smoking weed and drinking this booze from a Gain detergent bottle that Manny said was a traditional Finnish drink but I think it was maybe just Gain. Anyways, I wake up the next morning in a tree covered in vomit that wasn't mine because I'm pretty dang sure I didn't eat hot dogs the day before. But at least I smelled good.

 

Any additions to your netflix queue?

 

Back on Top: Using the Teachings of the Karma Sutra to Further Your Professional Career

Beer Bracket Winner Announced

beer_bracket_winner.jpgThe day has finally arrived. Today we are announcing the winner of The First Annual Steve's Word Beer Bracket.

Spellman Spouts: Club Cards

club cardMembership, club, or discount cards for your grocery store or drug store are nothing new. They've been around for awhile. What is new, at least to me, is how you are regarded as some sort of jerk or societal outcast if you don't have one. This happened to me yesterday again and I've just about had it.

To bring you up to speed, I'm living in Erdenheim, PA this Summer. I've been here about a month and I'm still trying to get my bearings. One thing I'm still trying to get a handle on is driving to the grocery store and getting more groceries than you can carry home. This is a foreign activity for me. After six years in New York I finally got used to idea that, when shopping at the grocery store (or anywhere for that matter) you can only purchase what you're willing to carry home. Now that I'm back in the suburbs I have to come to the terms with the fact that now I have the ability to fit an adult human corpse in my shopping cart if I so chose. Well, the way I was treated at the check out counter for not producing a Genuardi's Club Card at my local supermarket, Genuardi's, I might as well have had a corpse in my shopping cart.

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