Tips for the (Fellow) Unemployed #3

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Editor’s Note: Welcome to Steve’s Word newest weekly series “Tips for the (Fellow) Unemployed”. Please welcome our newbie contributor Paul Elicker to the site. He has his own site with hilarious writings and even funnier drawings. We asked him if we could rip off some of his material and he graciously accepted our overture. You can find this piece and much more on Paul Elicker’s blog

Just because you ate that college pie doesn’t mean you’re not hungry! These are my tips for getting through the unemployment of your nightmare to the job of your nicer dreams!

Now that your bedroom is open for business, your hair is saying “Yes” and you’ve got the attitude to match, you are ready to start the job hunt.

This is often seen as the most miserable and time consuming part of unemployment, just after the alcoholism and food-abuse. It is possible to spend hours crawling job sites and corporate career portals without finding a single job that you can apply for – whether because of your lack of qualification or education or your failure to pay the internet bill. Also the economy is bad.

You’ll be desperate just to find any job that you’re qualified for – but no matter what happens…

Tip #3: Watch Out For Bad Jobs and Scams

There’s plenty of people out there who are willing to extort money and effort from unemployed and underemployed twenty-year-olds. The best way to ensure you aren’t tricked or nudged into some job you don’t want is to

avoid the Joblin.

The joblin may appear to you at any time of day – but he’ll most likely appear to you in a late night haze. There you’ll be, huddled over your tear-stained computer, and he will appear, offering you cash to write articles for his “website” while working at home from your computer.

He may also appear to you early in the morning, calling you just after the sun rises to tell you you’ve got an interview – you’ll be too dazed to care where the interview is, and you’re so desperate that you’ll agree to anything. Then you’ll get there and find out you’re an administrative assistant to ghost of King Leopold II.

If you avoid the Joblin, you’ll avoid having your money or soul stolen, and you’ll be all the happier when you find that legitimate soul-sucking job.

You’ll be saying “I’m glad I’ve got my fingers back” in no time at all!

Keep your computer warm, there’s more tips coming!


  • 1

    What's killing me about unemployment is that someone gave me a pair of Crocs and I can't stop wearing them. Help Me!
    Crocs are the official un-shoe of unemployment. God awful!
    I also blame my absurd, festering Zachary Quinto crush on unemployment. Jesus, the indignities just keep on coming.

  • 2

    Employment is what you make of it. If you don't have a job, create your own job by standing around and playing guitar in Times Square. Or suck dick. Whatever gets you money enough to buy beer at the end of the night. You could even run for a political office like I am!


  • 3

    Elicker hits it clear out of the park...AGAIN!!!!!

  • 4

    Well, NC, I'd normally agree with you 100%. However, standing around and playing my guitar in Times Square is out because I live in the middle of nowhere. And, as I'm sure you're aware, dick sucking (DS) is trading waay lower than this time last year.

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