Monday Hangover Questionnaire

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tofuWhat about the previous work week were you most looking forward to getting away from?

If you think about the Gregorian calendar on strictly technical terms, the previous week is still here.

What were you most looking forward to this weekend?

The Monday Hangover.

What was the biggest disappointment of the weekend?

The Monday Hangover. I will read it tomorrow and be totally disappointed.

-When was your first orgasm? Self-Inflicted or otherwise induced?  How is your sex life anyway?

I think it was a wet-dream when I was a kid. But back then it was a dry-dream, which immediately makes the addition of the word "dry" redundant. But that is also weird because if I were to say "it was a dream" then I would imply that I "dreamed of an orgasm". ISN'T LANGUAGE FASCINATING? ISN'T IT FUCKING GREAT? AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE WORDS!

Review a TV Episode, Movie, Book, Article, Restaurant (or Meal), or Sporting event in one sentence?

No, I'd rather not.

Did you leave your town?

I went to Irvine to a party. After a while, and two plus bottles of wine, I realized I really wanted to be horizontal. But the couch was taken so I sat (I guess semi-vertical and somewhat-horizontal so given the circumstances it wasn't bad) and fell asleep. When I woke up my Zippo that was given to a girl was unreturned. How poor of that girl who borrowed it.

What project didn't you get to this weekend that you've been meaning to do forever?

Cooking for a lady. But as I write these lines it's yet to happen, it's just that the mushrooms and tofu are marinating in their respective sauces. Seriously though, if it fails, I will cry. I will cry because it will have only failed because I wrote about it. But then where is the jinxing line drawn? When I write or when it gets published? Because "it" will probably happen between the conception and the publication of these lines thus by tomorrow morning this might all be moot. I'll have our stomachs holler-at-cha and let you know if they've been doused in wine and mushroom tofu.

What's the funniest thing you heard or saw this week?

This is not a good question. I don't like it. There's something inherently hostile about it. It just makes me feel like we're going to compare funny stories and mine will be inferior and you will be wrong.

What's the unfunniest thing you witnesed this week?

You mean sad? Or actually un-funny? Because anything un-funny is just normal. But if you mean upsetting, then seeing a really cute five year old boy get run over by a bus would most certainly count. Especially if it were real. But it's not.

Did you do anything this weekend you've never done before? If, "yes", summarize in one sentence.

Technically everyone does something they've never done before, every day. They're just not aware. It's the angle you walk to work, you never really quite step on the same spots. You never quite put your clothes on the exact same way. You never really stir the tea or pour the coffee the same way. When you really think about it, it will blow your mind. But then you will never be able to do something you've never done before because you will be dead. However for an answer in the lines of "I got a blowjob while skydiving off a P-47 Thunderbolt" then I'd have to get back to you.

What was your biggest time waster this weekend?

Sleep.

"Just throwing that out there." Go ahead, just throw something out there. Anything. Anything at all.

"And make no mistake: irony tyrannizes us. The reason why our pervasive cultural irony is at once so powerful and so unsatisfying is that an ironist is impossible to pin down. All U.S. irony is based on an implicit "I don't really mean what I'm saying." So what does irony as a cultural norm mean to say? That it's impossible to mean what you say? That maybe it's too bad it's impossible, but wake up and smell the coffee already? Most likely, I think, today's irony ends up saying: "How totally banal of you to ask what I really mean."
-David Foster Wallace

10 Comments

  • 1

    R.I.P. DFW.

  • 2

    excelente material! hombre, oh hombre.

    un tiempo, tengo una mamada, mientras que andar en burro a través de Ecuador. pero ocurrió en contra de mi voluntad, y como resultado, i nunca regresar a Ecuador. Sin embargo, tengo una mamada, mientras viajaban en un coche una vez en Bolivia, y WOW WEE WOW - que era la dinamita! así, bolivia, estoy volviendo!

    permanecer cierto, chicos. seguir jugando con ustedes en la ducha un poco, y verás la luz.

  • 3

    Babelfish just translated this for me and I was quite creeped out. Hey Tim & Matt, we got a dunkeyfucker in our midst.

  • 4

    What a beautiful donkey fucker he is.

  • 5

    Google translator tells me that Jorge is no mere donkeyfucking simpleton but, rather, a bon vivant who enjoys the company of nymphomaniacal Latinas whilst onboard a donkey, in transit. I imagine it's part of an otherwise tedious commute. That's why I use only the highest quality when it comes to prophylactics and translators...Google Brand prophylactics and translators.

    Yours truly,
    Kate Hawthorne
    Google Shill

  • 6

    Wow that so doesn't make me feel any better. What is there's a slip and there's a donkey-man? I mean, anyone ever heard of a shonkey? Sheep and monkey crossbreed? Things are possible.

  • 7

    Good point. This might need to be settled by a Latin American.
    Buenos? Jorge? ...Tim?

  • 8

    i use the googles for the friend.

    Sorry, but my ability to speak English are not as developed. in my previous comment, I spoke to my traveling tours, which sometimes have to take a donkey and in other places such as Bolivia, I has the ability to take a car.

    in these types of transport, i received the love of a woman face. i never give love to a donkey, or a car! Ha Ha! But as I said, before I get the face love on top of a donkey, is not good. in a car, in the Bolivia, which is great!

    His partner of friendship,

    Jorge

  • 9

    You sound like a nice guy but I still want to punch you in the face, I think.

  • 10

    [...] agree with Sinan on this [...]

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