Monday Hangover - 6.15.09

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tavernwhat were you most looking forward to this weekend?

Look, I’m a simple man with simple desires and an achin’ back that just won’t quit. Truth be told, I was just looking forward to kickin’ back and watching Pat and Vanna in the waiting room at Dr. Shit-for-Brains’s office.

 

any additions to your netflix queue?

 

Scam alert! I watch my movies the old-fashioned way. I wait three months for them to come out at the dollar theatre down on Maple. The way movies were meant to be seen.

 

how's that big life decision going?

 

The only life decision I’ve got at the moment is whether to fill this questionnaire out while perched on the little milking stool I’ve got in my kitchen or on the edge of my futon. As I am currently sitting on the little milking stool, things seem to be A-OK on my end.

 

what's the single most annoying thing you had to deal with this weekend?

 

Goddamn bus. Look, I got a bum hip and a bad back, and I ain’t no spring chicken. Why should I have to stand, while some tweens with a ghetto blaster and fancy jackets get to sit in comfort? There’s a chunk of road over there by the 15th St. Tavern with potholes that’ll rattle your bones like maracas. No goddamn respect for handsome, early-middle-aged rock’n’rollers anymore.

 

what was the biggest disappointment of the weekend?

 

My interdate stood me up. Panera’s not good enough for these women anymore? I’m gettin’ really sick of this shit.

 

review a movie, tv episode, book, article, restaurant (or meal) or sporting event in one sentence (the one sentence part is pretty loose).

 

I have found that the Boss Metal Zone guitar pedal eats up 9 volt batteries significantly faster than the Tube Velvet pedal. This weekend I was jamming with HVMR2’s drummer’s cousin, Cirilo (good kid), crafting some hot riffs in my backyard, and all of a sudden the power fizzled out. ‘N lemme tell you, “Hot for Teacher” sounds like crap “unplugged.” Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

 

did you leave your town?

 

What for? My entire universe is comprised of the land between Bannock St. and Harvest Avenue West, dissected by sexy, sleazy East Colfax.

 

what was the funniest thing you heard or saw this weekend?

 

My neighbor had his window open, so I watched a delightful movie on his TV called “Summertime Blooz,” I believe. That Steve Guttenburg certainly knows how to push this man’s chuckle buttons.

 

what was the unfunniest thing you heard or saw this weekend?

 

The sound of my left knee popping as I stood up from my futon this morning. It sounded like a suicide bomber went off beneath my patella.

 

did you do anything this weekend you've never done before?  if yes, please summarize.

just throw something out there.  anything.  anything at all.

 

Heck, there ain’t a whole lot this ol’ dog hasn’t done, but I must say I checked off a couple ‘a boxes this weekend. Impressing a lady of the night in my living room to the point of wanton fomentation by playing “The Panty Dropper” (aka the opening riff of “Mr. Saturday Night Special” by Skynyrd) on my BC Rich double-neck guitar? Check. Sippin’ a cold one alone in the parking lot of the rollerskate rink over there by Englewood Junior High, watching the sweet Colorado sun go to bed behind the mountain peaks, turning the gentle periwinkle sky a sultry and lascivious, inflamed ruby red? ‘Nother check there.

4 Comments

  • 1

    It's so good to hear from you again, Jojo. Keep this netflix'ed tween of a website grounded!

  • 2

    Much obliged, Jefferson. If my sciatica clears up, heck, I may just be back on tour!

  • 3

    Interdate... now what is that? Is it like a hipstertito or a hapa?

  • 4

    ah!

    1. interdate
    an online date via myspace, facebook or messenger
    (ex: ayyye lil mamma lets interdate tonight)

    thank you, steve's word, for expanding my vocabulary!

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