What were you MOST looking forward to this weekend?
I was most looking forward to seeing my boo, who lives about 120 miles away. It was a last minute decision to make the trek, but you'll see as you read through the rest of this Hangover, it was worth the 6 hours of round trip traveling within 24 hours.
What were you LEAST looking forward to this weekend?
I was least looking forward to the weekend ending.This hatred gets to its boiling point around 10pm on Sunday. I'd say that I dislike Sunday nights more than Monday mornings. It's the anticipation that's always worse than the reality. I have older brothers who used to hit me a lot. I couldn't walk by them without getting a punch, kick, or slap somewhere on my person. The fear of walking by them was always worse than the actual physical contact. Thanks for the mind games, brothers. I love you all!
Did you leave your town?
Oh yes, I leave my town most weekends. I travel via bolt bus, megabus, njtransit, septa, and amtrak, but this weekend I traveled via Double Happyness (sic). Like I said, my boo lives quite a distance away and one of us is always traveling. Double Happyness (sic) is a Chinatown bus and like most Chinatown buses the clientele is colorful and the smells are pungent. On my outbound trip a baby had its poopy diaper changed directly in front me. Luckily for the baby and its family the whole bus smells like poop and urine anyway so they didn't have anything to be embarrassed about.
What was the biggest disappointment of the weekend?
The weekend was nearly disappointment free. This is odd, because I'm disappointed by life on a regular basis. I suppose it was when I went to go buy some shoes at one of my favorite stores and not a single employee offered to help me out after I stood in front of the shoes for 10 minutes. Part of the problem was that I couldn't tell who worked there and who was hanging out. It was a bunch of skater dudes, the store is a skate shop, shooting the shit. I've never had a problem there before and there was at least three pairs of shoes I had my eye on. C'mon, bros, I know it's cool to talk about the latest set of steps you ollied or that you're totally almost about to land a triple-squiggly-fakie-naked-kick-flip-goofy-foot, but I want to spend money at your store.
What errands did you have to run? Did you avoid them?
I avoided most errands this weekend. Errands and chores to be more specific. I live in a studio apartment that desperately needs to be vacuumed. It would in all likelihood take me about 4 minutes to vacuum, but I just don't feel like doing it. Get off my back, Mom! At least I dropped my laundry off.
What was the funniest thing you heard or saw this weekend?
A lot of funny things happen when I'm hanging with my biotch, but the funniest thing was probably when this crazy old lady who was sitting next to us at the Barnes & Noble Starbucks was aggressively ripping audible farts. We went to Barnes and Noble for the free wi-fi and to work on some writing. As we looked for an open table it was immediately apparent that this old lady was a bit of a loon. She had papers and books spread out over four tables. Her eyebrows were drawn on and she would disappear for long stretches of time leaving all of her belongings at the table. But she confirmed her lack of grip on reality when she ripped two huge farts. She showed no signs of embarrassment or shame. Maybe she didn't even know she farted. Either way, we laughed a lot.
What was the best surprise of the weekend (if any)?
An impromptu big night out. After choking on the farts of a septuagenarian, we wanted to go somewhere that had beer and free wi-fi. The place we went ended up not having free wi-fi as advertised so we just got underway with the drinking...at 4pm. There were many great surprises in this big night out, but we got things going by ordering a shit load of delicious oysters. I have something to declare. Oysters are good. Just going out on a limb here. Another great surprise was taking Irish Car Bombs. 4 of them. Before it was even 9pm. I'm pretty much the worst chugger you've ever met, so it was quite a feat for me. Like I said, it was an impromptu big night out that will forever be known as the night of Oysters, Irish Car Bombs, and Horse Radish and Cheddar Kettle potato chips which we got late night at Wawa.
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Come on, Eldrick.