Guys We’re Gay For

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ryangosling.jpgYes, it's true. No one can be hetero all the time, not even the manly men of Steve's Word. After Tim wandered in one day in such a daze he was walking into walls and talking about going down on someone, we knew something was up. It turned out that he had done a doubleheader of Lars and the Real Girl and Fracture and was never gonna be the same. That day we learned who Tim would go gay for, and everyone realized that we each had a lot of thinking to do. Who would we each go gay for, and why? Here's what we came up with.


• Tim - Ryan Gosling

It's not that I actually want to have sex with him, but that I admire him so much. Sure, if he said, "Tim, I'm going to put myself in your mouth. Would that be OK?" I would respond thusly, "Sure. I've never had a Canadian before." He is undeniably the greatest film actor since Brando. Seriously, have you seen The Believer or Half Nelson or Lars and the Real Girl? Surely, you've seen The Notebook. It's not only that he excels at every role and that he's completely different in each movie, it's the roles that he choses. I'm sure someday he'll sell-out and play a superhero, but that day hasn't come yet and I respect him for that. Heck, I more than respect him. I want to bone him and/or let him bone me. The fact that he's cute doesn't hurt his career either. It also helps me out, because honestly, who wants to have their first gay experience with an ugly dude?


dw.png • Matt - David Wright

If you've ever stumbled across the Steve's Word Biographies page then you know I'm a Mets fan. Is it really such a stretch, then, that I would be willing to spend my life with the dreamboat who plays third base and bats third for them? It's perfectly fitting, and that's not all that would be, I'm sure. There's everything perfect with D-Dub, as I call him (it's short for his initials), from his picture perfect swing when cracking an outside curve to right field to his fantastic confidence as he spars with David Letterman. Don't forget that he's also super good-looking. And by the way, he's a perennial All-Star.

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• Nate - Thomas L. Friedman

Maybe I'm the only intellectual here, or maybe it's that I'm the only one with an IQ over 80. The rest of the staff might fill their fantasies with matinee idols and athletic heroes, but me? I'm gonna occupy my nether regions with something else. That's right, I really don't care about looks, and if you don't believe me, come over to my place and meet my girlfriend. I would rather satisfy the longings of my mind, and because of that simple fact, I have to say that I'm gay for, way gay for New York Times contributor and author Thomas Friedman. He's one of the smartest and most perceptive writers around and, if you ask me, we all need a little more TLF in our lives. Plus, how cute is his little mustache?

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• Jeff - Data from Star Trek

I can't help but get all soft inside when I see those glowing yellow eyes and that shitty white-as-a-sheet make up job. It's as if he could make the thought of anything I would usually find completely unpleasant, like anything sexual between myself and another male, somehow palatable. I think in the end I like the idea that if I'm forced to name people I'd go gay for, it would have to be with an emotionless android. I'm just not sure if my mere mortal body would be able to keep up with a dude made of metal and plastic. Then again, I think the first rule of android behavior is to never cause harm to a human being, so I'd probably be safe. We'd just have to establish a safe word like, "earl grey tea... hot," or "computer, engage."

eddie_izzard.jpg • Mike - Eddie Izzard

Something about an accent makes a guy so much more appealing. I don't know if it's an air of sophistication or a hint of the exotic, but whatever it is, Eddie Izzard's got me a swoonin'. Maybe I just like a guy who can make me laugh. His manic energy hooks me in so his surreal sense of humor can have its (more than proverbial) way with me. I wonder what sex with this man would be like. Would he tie me naked to his bed and then make me choose between cake and death? Would we pretend to be different fruits ripening in a bowl? I don't know. I just know his whimsical rambling makes me want to draw him close, smell his perfume and feel his rough stubble against my cheek. And somehow, when I watch his act, even though there are 5,000 people in the room, I feel like he's talking only to me. He just makes me feel special. To those of you who say that going gay for a cross-dresser is somehow "less gay," I say: "maybe. But look what an ugly chick he makes."




4 Comments

  • 1

    Ho ho ho !

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