Gals I’m Straight For

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tina_fey.jpgEditor's note: As a response to Tuesday's column, we tapped Matt's next door neighbor brilliant playwright Matthew Lopez to give you a different perspective. You see, every coin has two sides and while we were all struggling with the notion of getting nice with another dude, well, Matthew had quite a different struggle. As a proud gay man, he had to consider which ladies out there would turn him away from the world of toned biceps and broad shoulders and consider who he might go straight for...


Tina Fey

I have always had a thing for funny women: Lucille Ball, Carol Burnett, Julia Louis-Dreyfus. In order for a man to be funny, he merely has to stand still (preferably in a tuxedo) and say funny things. Women don’t have that luxury. The distinction, as Ms. Burnett once observed, was that women have to say things funny. They must overcome accepted societal gender roles in order to make people laugh. In other words, they cannot be afraid to make absolute fools of themselves. Joining this list of great female buffoons is Tina Fey, the wiseacre behind SNL’s recent and fleeting renaissance and the creator of the madly brilliant “30 Rock.” Fey is a smartass of the highest order: a smarty-pants post-hipster misfit who (in real life) has attained a position of great power in an industry that puts up more glass ceilings than Presidential politics not merely by her own talents but also (in her fictional persona) by the utter ineptitude of the men around her. How many women can rock a prominent scar on their face, poke fun at their own food issues, constantly play the bumbling schlump and still be sexy-as-hell? Only Tina, boys. Only Tina.


angelina_jolie.JPGAngelina Jolie

Some might consider this a no-brainer. I know very few fellow gays who wouldn’t jump at the chance to make this their one-and-only foray into heterosexuality. Perhaps it is the feline beauty of her sultry stare. Perhaps it is the silky purr of her voice. Perhaps it is her stature and poise. Perhaps it is her too-often-overlooked skills as an actress. Perhaps it is the knowledge that if one did bed Angelina, Brad might want to join in too. All of those qualities make me want to go tomb raiding but I think, ultimately, it is her absolute bad-ass toughness that gets me all hot about Ms. Jolie. I can’t think of a single living female Oscar winner other than Jolie who I want to see kicking ass and taking names. (Well, perhaps Jodie Foster, but we all know she’d have very little interest in my advances.) There is something to be said for a woman who can kick your ass and make you want to ask for seconds, please.



pelosi.jpgNancy Pelosi

Much was made this year about Hillary Clinton being the first viable female candidate for the Presidency (sorry, Carol Mosley-Braun). Pundits called her the most powerful woman in government. They apparently forgot the other power pants suit in Washington, the queen mama of pants suit-wearing power-wielders (and with a better tailor, to boot). I am speaking, of course, of Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, who is not only the first woman to serve in this position, but is also only two heartbeats from the Oval Office (a fact that becomes even more impressive when you consider that one of those heartbeats belongs to Dick Cheney). Clinton should have looked to Pelosi as a model upon which to base her persona of feminine power: she is tough and disciplined, intelligent and shrewd yet she never feels the need to hide her grace, charm and beauty. She is a woman and she is in charge.

1 Comment

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    har de har har !

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