Ask Mr. Manners, with Buenos the Cat

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Ask Mr. Manners, with Buenos the Cat

What does "don't ask don't tell" mean? - Chet in Chicago

Since you asked, I'll tell you the answer.  Get it!?  ¡Aye-hi-hi-hi!  I'm just having fun with you, CIC.  "Don't ask don't tell," is the inherent and underlying pact that all plants and animals have with humans.  We don't understand you, but we know that we can't ask you because your answers wouldn't make any sense to us.  I often wonder why my owners sit with their computers all day long while I bat around a toy mouse suggestively.  Or why they would ever want to leave the apartment?  Why did they take my brother Noches away from me when we were both only kittens?  These are the sad questions I know I will never know because of "don't ask don't tell."  We in the animal kingdom talk frequently and at length about what exactly it is that makes you humans tick, but it is for nothing.  Every cat theory about human behavior has been disproved.  From what I hear the dolphins seem to have some promising leads regarding your social structure, but I just can't listen to dolphin all day, it grates on my poor little black ears.  I suppose in the end, I can say that I do not understand humans, but I do understand that my owners love and care for me and that is enough for the Buenos!  Thanks for asking, CIC.

Ask Buenos, he's a cat and he gives advice!



  • 1

    Thank you Buenos! You've said a mouthful.

  • 2

    Another great piece Buenos.

    I've been wondering why I can't communicate with plants, animals and magical creatures like I used to back during the Reagan years. I chalked it up to adulthood.

    And now, to finally find out that it's because of "Don't Ask Don't Tell"... Whew! This is quite a revelation.

    Repeal that shit today!

    PS: If my hypothesis is correct and this repeal results in the magical return to childhood that I think it will I want the record to show that I'm all for legal ss marriage too. Just imagine the world of wonder...

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