Ask Mr. Manners, with Buenos the Cat

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My boyfriend is a psychotic sports fan.  What's wrong with him?  Is there anything that can be done to help him?  - Mary in Scranton

Sometimes when I've gotten into a particularly pungent loot or when my coat has finally gotten that sweet funky smell that I have cultivated through careful preening with my cat saliva, my owners will attempt to bathe me in the tub.  Usually they trick me by making me chase the laser pointer into the bathroom and then they shut the door and hoist my unwilling flabby black cat body into the terrifying water that they've already prepared in the tub.  I am understandably beside myself and I shriek and dig my claws into anything I can reach.  Usually this results in some punctured owner skin and a half wet but not-yet-cleaned Buenos! Both parties are less happy then they were before.  This is what I think of when I hear your question, as read to me by my stenographer/cat translator, MS.  Don't try to "wash" your boyfriend, because he will "puncture your human skin" with his "claws."  Hmm... perhaps the analogy is not the best, but you must forgive the Buenos as English is not my native tongue and it works better in Cat Spanish.  Perhaps you get my point anyway?  MS, if you love your boyfriend enough to want to go to the trouble of changing him, then you must certainly also have a love strong enough to overlook his faults (as you see them).  Then neither of you will be wet and your skin will remain un-punctured.

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