Ask Mr. Manners, with Buenos the Cat

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buenosheadshot01.jpgI just started dating a really great guy.  In fact, I wouldn't say we've been moving too fast but in less than two weeks we're constantly spending the night at each other's houses.  My only problem is that I've also started having these terrible recurring dreams about my car losing its brakes while I'm going downhill in reverse.  Most nights I end up screaming and waking my new boyfriend up.  What can I do to make these dreams stop? - Julie in Jersey

These things called dreams.  I have heard my owners talk about them frequently, but I do not understand.   You see for a cat, we are just as aware when we are awake as when we are sleeping.  There is no distinction for The Buenos between what happens to him sleeping as waking.  Perhaps this is strange, but perhaps you humans are strange to us.  I will sometimes see my owners walk out a door inside our apartment and then a few minutes later I look out the window and they are miraculously miniaturized outside on the street.  Then other times I am flying over mountains made of delicious placentas that I feast on using opposable thumbs that I don't have when I'm back in the apartment.  There are days when I cannot perceive of anything but the rushing of the air around my ears and the scent of my own cat breath and those usually give way to times when I am arguing about Libertarian ideals with humans wearing wigs who go by the names "Jefferson," "Franklin" and "Monroe."  Is this reality?  Who am I to say?  All I can say is that the placenta mountain is never as filling as I expect it to be and I usually crave some good dry cat food and water afterwards and that after my time with the humans in wigs I really have to take a squat in the litter box.  But this does not answer your question, JJ.  Perhaps you are actually out of control in the car and you have to scream for your boyfriend to save you.  My best feline advice is that maybe you need to let the car take you where it's supposed to go, after all, we cats never drive cars so we've gotten used to that sensation.  More than anything else, you should be happy to be a human who still has the use of their gonads.  I know plenty of cats who have had theirs removed!  Enjoy your love and let the car go!  ¡Adios!

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