I just don’t understand what you’re getting so upset about. That was fucking hilarious. Lighten up. Don’t take things so seriously. Look, let me replay the whole scenario again for you. From start to finish. You were telling me about this article you read in the paper about this brave woman who was standing on the side of the street when a freak car accident severed off both her legs. The article mentioned how she was a musician and that the tragedy has added new meaning to her work. The article also said she was happily married. I quipped in my usual hilarious way, “yeah, I’m sure she is happily married. Now that she doesn’t have any legs her husband can get deeper penetration.” How can you not find that funny? You slapped me in the face and said you’d never let me touch you again.

First of all, that’s hilarious. There’s no way you can resist my hot bod. Second of all, there’s no such thing as a “sense of humor.” There’s just intelligent people and idiots. I guess this is where you and I differ. I know what’s funny and you don’t. If you don’t find what I say funny, it merely means that you are a complete idiot. That doesn’t mean that I still won’t put my penis in you. It just means I don’t like you. That was a joke. You see, you didn’t even get that.

Let me break it down for you. You didn’t laugh at the amputee joke because you’re too stupid to realize that people devoid of limbs are human beings too. I personally find them disgusting and wouldn’t ever touch one, but that’s not the point. The point is that these freaks, well the ones who still have their sexual organs, like to engage in sexual activity. Not laughing at a joke about amputees and their lovers having sex is a reflection of your own bigotry. Feeling sorry for people and treating them as delicate objects who should be shielded from ridicule is what’s truly offensive. When you are unable to laugh at the disabled, the retarded, the elderly, racial minorities, and pedophilia just to name a few simply means that you lack the intellectual ability to empathize with those who are different than yourself. Take heart, the world is full of idiots and you are merely one member of an ever growing retarded army that still watches sitcoms and chronically sends out bulk emails with stupid foreign commercials in windows media player format attached to them.

Perhaps your inability to laugh at that which is funny is clouded by religious morals. You can’t laugh at the deformed because Jesus or Mohammed says be nice to everyone and treat them as equals, yet you also support a constitutional amendment banning gay marriages. Do you not see how this makes you a complete fucking numbnutt? Or maybe you don’t fully grasp the concept of irony. This is probably due to the fact that you were homeschooled.

This leads me to my next point. What you do find funny is not. “Two and a Half Men”. Not funny. It’s the same old recycled, three camera, Hollywood studio, formulaic bullshit we’ve all seen our whole lives. “Monty Python”. Not funny. Just because you do something silly like hop on one leg for a half hour straight does not make hopping on one leg funny. Quoting Stewie from “The Family Guy”. Not funny. No explanation needed. Where “America’s Funniest Home Videos” is not funny Jackass is funny. The fact that you think the inverse is mindboggling. You laugh at a cat falling in an aquarium because it’s cute and makes you feel warm and funny. This is because you are insecure and if you were to actually laugh at something that had the potential to offend someone you’d feel ashamed of yourself.

But you know what, there’s really no point in explaining this to you because if you’re too stupid to get my jokes then you’re too stupid to comprehend the brilliance of my argument. However you are hot and I’d like to keep you around. So the next time the topic of amputee sex comes up I’ll refrain from saying, “I bet you that chick with no legs only considers it a good fuck when her ghost limbs tingle.”

Hi, my name is Steve. I think I’m funny and so are my friends. This is our website.